home sick :(

i got hit with another wave of homesickness... so i feel like saying all of the things i miss

I miss holmes and how i would never use my locker. i miss mr. thompsons class and how he would draw awful drawings on the board to attempt to teach the lesson. he drew a square on the board and it could have represented the usa germany or an ocean or anything really. I miss the way everyone would ask me for gum during nutrition and how every late start wednesday, i would buy two packs so i would have enough for everyone. I miss track and how it seemed like i could run forever. i miss going to the beach where my grandma lives. Even though i really didn;t like going before, i miss it now. I miss getting back to davis after a two hour car trip and looking up at the sky and being amazed my the number of stars. I miss not worrying about my schedule or my grades. I miss going to ellie's house every week and singing any random song we wanted to. I miss going to lamp post pizza and going to the tennis courts for an hour before ellie had to go to sailing. I miss going to habit burger with cindy and calling each other toothpick and potato. i miss using nicknames like square star and rectangle. I miss using sign language to communicate across the room. i miss the way shayne would yell out "i will turn you into a toaster!" during science. i even miss our physics project. i miss talking to my brother. i miss seeing squares smile. i even miss seeing star. I miss seeing the frost on the grass in the morning and being late for japanese class. I miss the way kayla would sometimes text at the wrong time so that when i came into the class, my ohone would beep. I miss going to nugget on late start wednesdays with anushriya and kayla. i miss talking about all the situations that would never happen with surah and anushriya and saying "darn foiled again :)" i miss the smell of flowers and tress in the air. i miss the deep clear blue sky. i miss seeing stars instead of airplanes. i miss sitting under the stars with anushriya while we tried to get through twinkle twinkle little star without being distracted. i miss going to cultive. i miss riding on the back of ellie's bike to her house. i miss cassie and her fatness and how she would make me sneeze cause i'm allergic to cats. i miss taking everyone's food and how sometimes they would bring extra just for me :) i miss talking to surah in ceramics. i miss the way i didn't worry so much. i miss the way i could talk to people. i miss davis...

i didn't really mention anything in la cause i still have it.

Note Story... Day One.

Note

I'm gonna make this more dramatic than it is for the fun of it :p. Also, this is before Sid and Monica were dating and before I liked "Twin". In fact "Twin" and I talked, but not very much, so at this time, he wasn't really a big part of my life.


It started as a normal day for the most part. Well, for me at least. I was still unaware of a situation that had started earlier that morning; A situation that would make us view someone very differently for a long time to come. (this is sounding good so far but just to let you know, I can't keep up this style of writing.) It was monday and I was sitting in math still thinking of the small events that had happened last week. Ms. Ransom was probably writing some math lesson on the board but my mind, as usual, was not really focusing on anything. After sitting about two hours in that class, the bell rang. I headed off to our spot at the tree, expecting to continue the events from last week. You see, last week "bacon"(sorry for nicknames but he was the person I liked before "twin". There's a long story for that too. I would say it here but it would distract from the real story.) and his group had decided to sit by our tree during battle of the bands. Something is very interesting about that group. Their aura is dark... and slightly intense. It feels like they are in their own world, which we are not allowed in. Monica and i had gone over to their spot when they weren't there. Their aura still lingered and as we got closer, it felt like it was pushing us away. When we were standing right in the middle of it, there was this slight "Haha we're here what are you gonna do about it :P." feeling, but we decided to leave anyways. While leaving, it almost felt like something was slightly pushing us. It was easy and comfortable to leave and it felt like we were moving faster away from it than we had been moving towards it... So when they were at our spot to watch the battle of the bands, I kept looking over at "bacon" who was for some reason, always being touched in someway whenever i happened to be looking. The first time I think they were feeling up his stomach. I forgot the next, but the last time i looked, he was getting his neck rubbed. The next day, we would pass each other in the hall, look right at each other, and not say a word. I decided to go down a different flight of stairs to avoid the awkwardness of walking next to him without talking. During lunch, this happened many more times. He would look right at me, walk towards me, then turn right before he got to me. This confused me quite a bit. He walked by a couple more times, doing very similar actions. He also sat down and talked to Monica and Alex, sitting behind Monica so that she was blocking his view from me. I don't think he was doing this intentionally, but it seemed like it. While heading to our spot, I was expecting to see if he would do any more things like this so I could find out if it were intentional or not, but when I got there, Monica had some pretty big news that would be the main focus of our week.

What Monica held in her hands, was an envelope. This morning, before school had started, Monica had been going to her locker with David. Just outside her locker, there was an envelope taped onto the balcony with her name on it. Now she was was showing me the contents. Upon opening the envelope, we took out three things. The first was a graduation card. Inside the card was 3 pieces of paper. One was a small piece with a kanji symbol that had obviously been traced.
I don't quite remember b I think it was the symbol for 'think'. The next paper was a poem that went as follows.

"this monkey is a fool, just like me
cause i never took the time to see
how beautiful you can be.
if you wan to know my name
please, play the game.
if you dont, that's okay
you dont have to play.
if you choose yes
i'm bless
if you choose no
i'll go
i'll walk away in the mind of history
and my identity will always remain a mystery"

The third and last piece, was the directions to the "Game". It said to check yes to play the game or check no to end it. Then it said to guess five names. If one of the names is right, then the game will continue. If we guess wrong, then the game is over and the note giver will disappear like an enigma. He really did write "like an enigma". We tried to come up with names using process of deduction and finding clues within the text. I didn't think it could be anyone in our group. I had seen almost everyones hand writing and they did not match. Alex tried to put together some clues. We noticed he spelled wisely wrong so Alex looked up the wrong spelling on her phone. Apparently his spelling error had spelled some town in england. The likely hood that was true was small. We also noticed that when he wrote Monica's last name, he did something weird with the d. It was capitalized with a square and one of the corners circled. After thinking about it, we still couldn't come up with what it could mean, not anything logical anyways. We only had until the end of nutrition so Monica quickly wrote down five names and we left it by the tree like the note had told us to. Alex and I had Walked up the stairs and onto the balcony that overlooked our tree to see who would come to take the note. After waiting a while, we realized we would be late to class if we didn't leave. So we gave up and left to fourth period. I discussed the situation with Jessica who seemed half interested. After the bell rang for lunch, I quickly made sure I was in sight of the tree just incase anyone would try to take the note then. When I got there, the note was gone. And so all we could do was wait... And so ends the first day.


Wow I made this sound... weird... I actually wasn't involved with the situation too much until the very end. Also towards the end there will be another story that mixes with this one so stay tuned. :) byee

Yet another day :)

Not much happened today... but i'll write as much as I can.

I'll start with stuff from yesterday that I didn't feel like putting in the last post. So this person name Hiro Minamoto added me as a friend on facebook. I thought it might be Christian because the profile picture was the kanji symbol for love. He likes that symbol and he's pretty into japanese stuff, besides, Monica and Alex had already added him as a friend. Just to be safe though, I didn't add him. A little while later (like one or two days later) Christian got a facebook. So I thought "Oh so the other guy wasn't him. It's a good thing I didn't add him then." Then Monica started talking to me about him. She said that Christian had told her that he was an old friend of his. He said that he ran into him in promenade recently and that they agreed to get a facebook so they can keep in touch. He also said that Hiro was adding us as friends to get to know us. weird... This would be believable from anyone else. There are reasons why i can't trust him and I'll say those in another post (maybe the next one). Another weird thing about Hiro is that all of his friends are from palisades and they are only people Christian knows. He also has the same interests as Christian. So Hiro and Monica had a conversation. She showed it to me and, according to Hiro, he goes to a martial art training camp... Do those even exist? Monica also asked him questions to which it looked like he backed out of answering and when he did answer, it was weird. The "voice" also sounds like Christian. I can't describe how it's the same. It just is. When Christian tells me some story (whether it's the truth or not, I can't really tell because sometimes they don't make complete sense) there's something a little off. Sometimes I catch it, sometimes I don't. I feel bad for not trusting him but... :/. So Sid and Monica started questioning him, trying to corner him into telling the truth. I guess they're still going with that plan... I just planned to discuss it with Sid the next day...

So another event happened yesterday. This one is a lot happier ^0^. So you know how there are those statuses that say something like : if you like m status, I will post something I like about you on your wall. "Twin" posted one of those so I liked it. It took a while to get the courage to do that ><. So then after a while he posted something. It was a pretty long post ^.^. I'm not going to say what it said. You'll have to ask me personally cause i don't really want to post it here, and if you don't know me personally then why are you reading this O.o. So i showed it to some of my friends you thought it was really sweet :). I still don't think it meant to much though... But I'm happy ^0^.

So yeah... today. I talked about hiro with sid in english. He thinks it's Christian and I do too. He showed me a conversation he had with him and again, I saw the same things I noticed from Monica's conversation with him. It's not like there are holes in the story... well... there is the fact that Christian is always busy so he can never hang out. So why would he be at promenade. He doesn't even live near there. Anyways, like the other conversation, this one also had the same voice of Christian and hiro was also backing out of answering personal questions. They weren't that personal either, more like he was backing out of giving any information what so ever. So then "Twin" joined our conversation and looked at the conversation ( we were viewing this via cellphone). While looking at the cellphone, his face was close-ish to mine... not really but still ><. Anyways, he also thinks this guy is creepy. So then the rest of english we didn't talk much. Our teacher said that this was a serious work day and that we couldn't talk. Usually this rule doesn't stick but unfortunately, this time it did. After a while we started whispering though :). One funny thing that happened in that class, there was this one cushion, that whenever you got up from sitting on it, it would go mooo. seriously. This girl got up and we all heard moooo and were like O.o huh? Then someone else did it and we found out that the seat sounds like a cow when you get off of it :).So yeah that was english. So then "Twin" and I walked to our spot by the tree and Sid went with Monica somewhere. So then after we got to the tree, "twin" asked me to go to the textbook room with him. He said he didn't want to be alone with a weird person when he got back... It's not like I would have left. Besides, alex was there... he thinks she's weird though... she is weird. But in an awesome way which he is too stupid to see :). So then we walked to the textbook room which was moved to the library and returned his ap world book. ...yup thats about it... Then we walked back, ran into Laurie, and yeah... thats pretty much it. The rest of nutrition went by uneventfully. Lance came =.= ugh, but he didn't talk to me much.

Third period went as usual. We had a quiz which i might have missed one on. I had to translate this word into english, but there were two words. I guess it had two meanings. so it said: later, then. Then is entonces I think and later is depues, accent on the second e. so I didn't know which one it was so I chose despues... I hope I'm right. At least I can argue it if I get it wrong. So that was spanish. Then lunch..."Twin" wasn't there :(. Monica and Sid were though. I got to eat Monica's lunch :). Then Lance came over. He keeps trying to sit close to me. He doesn't get that I don't like him... So then the bell rang and I went with Sid and monica in the opposite direction of my class to avoid lance. Then i went to pe... not fun. I talked to Christian about Hiro. He seemed to be a little suspicious of me asking so much about him but I told him I just wanted to know because I didn't want some stranger to be adding me as a friend on facebook. Anyways, he seemed to give a lot of detail. Over explaining is something that can give away a lie. He seemed to really want me to believe him too. Mary also doesn't believe him. Then our teacher made us run the mile. :(. I finished just in time though. Seriously, i finished at like, the exact last second :). So then I went to the exercise room and did nothing. Then we went to the locker room and Jackie and Mary got on top of the lockers O.o. I decided not too... it's really dusty up there and I don't think teachers would be too happy if they found us up there. Then ms. Thompson came in and Mary and Jackie had to jump down quickly. ... The rest of pe was just walking around and doing nothing in the exercise room. I think I'm bringing my phone to pe next time... I find it more fun when I don;t talk to anybody... that sounds mean but... :/. Maybe I can text monica now that I have unlimited texting ;).

And for the last part of my day. Art. I had two projects due. I didn't do any of them. Neither did a lot of the class. Ms. Curren got mad... but then she left and we had a sub. So I fell asleep. :). Then I went home and now I am writing. so yeah. I'll try to post something soon. I'll try to write about the love note story and also about the scratches which kind of intertwine with the note story. they kind of have something to do with each other but not really, just that it's the same person in each and they happened around the same time... so yeah... byee ^.^

Sunday

So Sunday wasn't much more interesting than Saturday. I went to a museum for an art project. I have to write 3 pages on a painting... not fun :(. I only spent about 30 minutes there though... i think my mom wanted to leave more than I did... So yeah. I was also texting monica a lot. i almost used up all of my texts but now im on unlimited :). and that's about it... today was more interesting though so i'll about it in another post.

Saturday

I didn't post on Saturday.... My reason? NOthing happened :) .
I stayed home and played with my phone and watched tv. yup.

so... i guess this is it for my post :P i feel like i should put more... so here's some songs i like at the moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkWdGUG3w8Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUQAwbYB_-w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUBNRttL76g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBh7Muv0yac

Today = not very fun :/

Today made me realize... Even the most boring things can be found interesting when written in a blog. So maybe our boring moments are actually more interesting than they seem. I've also learned this year, that boring may not be bad. Once bad events start happening, boring seems very nice... Anyways those bad events didn't happen today. They happened earlier this year and i should probably write about them on a day when not much happened, but today was slightly eventful so I'll talk about them another time. Seriously, one of the events felt like we were in a book or a movie or something @.@. So anyways today...

I actually got around to eating breakfast this morning. :O shock. I shouldn't eat in the morning though. My stomach goes out whenever I eat so I'll look fat the whole day. I know Monica will disagree with me on this but she doesn't see it because I where baggy jackets to cover it up. But recently I've lost a little weight ^.^. I'm under 100 again... sometimes... >< Haha so anyways, I took the multiple choice part of our Wnit test today. She called it Wnit because we covered two units so its a double-u-nit test... get it? so anyways I'm pretty sure I missed at least four. We also got our honors problems back from last time. I aced 2 of them. The other two... she gave me a point for trying :/. so I got 11/15. Thats not a failing grade at least... >< I also found out I have the fourth lowest grade... @.@ oh dear... So yeah... math was no fun... Nutrition wasn't much of an improvement. Lance came over again and Arsalon (is that his name?) lied and said I had a boyfriend. Then he says that he's a junior and I'm giving him the "What are you doing?!" kind of face. I don't want to lie... I have no support for my lies and lying is not gonna fix this. So then Lance asked me "You have a boyfriend?" And all I said was uhhhhhh... I am not good at lying on the spot. So then he asked who he was and again my answer was uhhhh. =.= I know, not smart. So then David came and I was like "Hey let's go somewhere... away from here!" So then I walked around with David and Stephen for a while and when we came back, the guys made a circle around me and made sure Lance stayed away from me. Then the bell rang and I walked with David to Sid and Monica's class. "Twin" is also in that class so I told him what happened and then explained it to Sid and Monica. Short conversation. So then I went to chemistry and Jessica had made me lemon bars :). She made my day <3. Moments like these make you realize what great friends you have and how awesome life is. So during lunch Lance came over again... Sid talked to him and explained that we don't really like him but he still didn't get it. While walking to history, Lance came up and kinda tried to put his arm around me =.=*. He got in front of me and tried to separate me from Sid, Monica, and Stephen and then he said "So you like someone else. Who do you like?" I told him I couldn't tell him. I said it more firmly than before so maybe he got it? maybe... probably not... This situation needs to end soon. I'm really grateful to all my friends helping with this... I should talk to him and set him straight so this can end for everyone... So Then I walked with Sid and Monica for a little bit before going to history... History was terrible. It was fun texting Monica but I couldn't really think. The problem? I had to go to the bathroom and I didn't want to ask for the pass while she was giving us notes and that took about 45 minutes maybe. Then Lily took the pass and when she got back, someone else took it and took like 20 minutes and finally came back when there was like 10 minutes left of class... so yeah... not fun. Then I went to art and played with water colors. ...My pictures looked like a first grader did them... :/ Oh well it was fun to splatter paint, ... and now my thumb is blue form the water colors... Then i went home, ate, fell asleep in my chair, talked to monica, and ate again. So yeah that was my day... and I just realized my dog ate my food off of my desk... and the plate too... I think I had put gum on the plate... I don't see it so I assume she ate it... I hope she'll be alright... yeah... so byee^.^

Today was... eventful for the most part

My brain is dead so I really can't think too well. ... obviously if my brain were dead i couldn't think too well; I wouldn't be able to think at all. This isn't even making sense, which supports my first statement. so yeah... about my day...

I woke up late today. Well later than usual. I was still on time though. Actually I was early. Well my reason for waking up late is because I stayed up until one downloading games onto my new phone. They came in handy during English. "Twin" wasn't there today so English was pretty boring. I spent some time reading and Sid spent most of the time playing with my phone =.=. So yeah... First period was uneventful. Nutrition was better though. "Twin" was there :). Apparently he just decided to sleep through first period. So then I got everyone's phone number, including his ^.^. Then Lance came... The guys are really starting to over react... So then David pulled me along and we left. We walked around the C building and I guess he used my phone to call Monica to ask if Lance was still there. Then he was like "we'll come back the way we came...wait no. We'll go through the tunnel between the C and D building. That should be ok right?" ...I know we're trying to avoid him but I think that's a bit much. It's not like he's trying to kill me or anything =.=. The worst that would happen is him asking me out again to which I could reject him and possibly end this whole situation. The guys don't think that will work though... So anyways, David and I came back to the group and apparently Alex had said something to Lance about me and David having a thing. I didn't really know what happened but David got kinda mad. He went up to her and just said what the f***. "Twin" also said that he yelled at her. He must have said some pretty harsh things cause Alex started crying. I don't know but I feel like a big part of it is my fault. I can't explain how really... it just feels like it. So Alex went to walk around before class and Lance came back. David of course was like "hurry up let's go!!" =.= This situation is causing way too many problems and it's not even that big of a deal. Anyways, I started walking to class with "twin". One problem though. My class was in the other direction =.=. So I had to walk a little further than usual. In Spanish we had a quiz which I think i got 100% on ^.^. The guy in front of me kept asking for answers. I'm amazed Ms. Vincent didn't notice. I don't really mind giving him the answers, but it annoys me that he doesn't try. If he tried and actually studied for the test and just needed help on one then i wouldn't mind at all really but... that's not the case. So yeah... That was Spanish. Nothing much happened. Lunch was a little eventful. Not nearly as much as Nutrition, but I actually found out a little more about what happened from Monica. Well before she told me, we were sitting in a circle. Then the guys made me move "to a safer spot" =.=. David said "You'll be safe between me and Calvin" to which "twin" added "or between me and David". So does that mean he wanted me to sit next to him? I don't know. I'll try not to read into it too much. >< So then Monica asked me if I wanted to walk around. So we went by the library to drop off some books and she told me what happened during nutrition. So I guess Lance came over and asked where I was and two of the guys pointed in different directions =.=. Well they tried... but it really helps if it's the same direction... So then "twin" ,who apparently looked annoyed (I wonder why...), pointed to where David and I had left. Lance had already seen where we went so I guess there was no point in lying. So then Alex thought about something for a while before saying "you know, I think David and her(sorry I don't want to say my name) have a thing." Lance didn't believe her though. I'm kind of glad he didn't. I'm pretty sure she said because if Lance believed it then maybe he would give up and move on. Her intentions were good but I guess it wasn't the most thought out plan... Anyways, then Monica said that "twin" exploded at her. I don't remember what she told me he said. Even if I did it's second hand information. But he said something about how it was really stupid and if it were a joke it wasn't funny and that a rumor could spread around the school. He also said something about it being bad for me and David and it could do something to our reputations... I don't know. I wasn't there. I'm kind of happy that he would stand up for me but I don't understand why he got so mad. So in the beginning of lunch, David apologized to Alex. He actually sounded a little sincere too. He's usually a jerk but deep down he's a good guy :). What bothers me though is that "twin" didn't apologize. He freaking made her cry! Why is he such a jerk to her...? >.< Anyways, Lance came over again but he didn't talk to me. I guess sitting between Stephen and Jeremy worked. So then Stephen asked me for my number because he had given me his but he didn't have mine yet. Then "twin" also asked for my number. He told me to text it to him but I didn't really know how to use my phone... So he figured out how to text. It's so cool! Ot looks like instant messaging :D. Haha off topic... So then these people came over to Lance and asked him to do this thing. I don't know what they were trying to get him to do but they were obviously making fun of him. I wonder if he gets it or if he just ignores it. I felt really bad for him. They made him do this embarrassing... thing I didn't really see and they were filming it. They should just leave him alone >:[. i know he's annoying but he's not a bad guy. He's actually really nice. So anyways, I think Alex stood up for him. I really admire her for that, The guys say she's stupid for doing that but I really don't see how... She's one of the only people that stands up for him. :/ So back to "twin". We were sitting pretty close to each other ^.^. ... This may sound weird, but he has a strong smell. You know that smell that people have ? The one that's unique for each person. Like when you smell someone's jacket and you immediately realize whose it is by smell. Well yeah, that smell. "Twin" has a very comforting smell :). I can't really describe it, but it makes me want to hug him ><. I know what Monica is talking about when she talks about Sid now... So then lunch ended and I went to pe. David rushed me along to avoid Lance cause "twin" had to go in the opposite direction. He was like "I have to go the other way. Do you got her?" =.=. I don't need bodyguards... So anyways in pe Mary was talking to Jacky (Jaqui? i don't know how to spell her name...) and she told her how Lance asked me out. She asked me why I said no. They didn't seem to realize why I didn't like him. Nobody in pe did actually. I guess people just go out with anyone they don't dislike? No wonder high school relationships don't last very long =.=. So yeah... pe was boring. I talked to Christian until he went to play basketball, then I just sat for the rest of the period wishing I had brought my phone out. Then I went to art and we played around with water colors. It was kinda fun... So then I went home, talked to Monica, ate, talked to Anushriya and cindy, fell asleep, and went to buy food... So that was my day. :) / :( / >< / =.=* / :/

Just an epiphany I had in pe one day...

"While walking, i was looking at a tree in the distance, admiring it from afar. It felt like i was making no distance closer but when i looked around i had moved so much. I looked down at the grass and saw every little detail pass by and it felt like i was moving so fast but then i looked up and i had barely moved at all. I guess the only way to truly understand where you're going you have to look all around you. I wonder if life was trying to tell me something that moment."

and some other quotes :) :

My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - winnie the pooh

Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.-winnie the pooh

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.- winnie the pooh

Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything. - winnie the pooh

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?- winnie the pooh

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.-winnie the pooh

Did you know that a three leaf clover represents happiness? Because everyone is looking for that four leaf clover, that rare streak of luck, that they are blind to all the happiness surrounding them. ♥ :) - heading to the ground

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together,there is something you must always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart i'll always be with you- winnie the pooh

listen to your heart; It will guide you. But listen closely, because sometimes it whispers.- unknown

If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.- winnie the pooh

Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.-winnie the pooh

“Piglet: "Pooh, how do you spell love?" Pooh: "You don't spell it, you feel it."”

When it feels like the darkest part of your life, just remember; Even the darkest room, can be lit by a single candle.- I was trying to sound poetic

A memory you won’t ever be able to relive. A smile you won't ever see again. A moment in time when everything seemed perfect and the sharp pain it sends through your heart. But somehow, in that moment of misery, you find a happiness you thought you lost.- inspired by one of Monica's quotes :)

Winnie the pooh has some great quotes :)

Life is pretty good today :)

I'm kinda burnt out from writing my last post so this one won't be nearly as long or detailed. I feel like i ran out of stuff to talk about. Right now I'm pretty happy ^.^. My english teacher once said that misery produces great forms of art and when you're happy, you don;t feel like writing a poem about it but instead, just want to roll around in your field of happy. There's a lot of truth to that statement but i think i also need to document my happiness. Usually when I write about happiness, I talk about the past. I'll guess I'll try to write about it now....  

So heres how my day went.

Yet again I woke up early =.=. Although convenient, It's getting annoying, but today I needed the extra time. I had a math test in 2nd period. I know binomial theory and combinations but I had some trouble with sequences. I think I was sleeping during the day we took notes on it... So after memorizing a couple formulas I didn't really understand, I left for school and barely made it on time. We had some time to study before the test and Ms. Ransom also went over a couple things. If she hadn't I probably would have literally failed (which I might have anyway) considering I learned the information as she wrote it on the board. The test actually wasn't that bad. The first side was pretty easy. The other side was too I guess but I'm not sure I did some of the problems right... I understood two of the honors problems but for the other two I got some big, random looking decimal numbers. :/ Oh well. I never do well on those. My last score was 8/15 which actually isn't too bad for that class. Anyways, I stayed into most of nutrition trying to finish the test leaving me about 10 minutes of free time before chemistry. At least the worst part of the day was over. After dropping my book of in my locker, I went to the tree where everyone was and yes "twin" was there ^.^. I still wonder why he eats with us. It just happened all of a sudden... So I him I failed my math test causing me to get a high five. Then he offered me a hug >///<. It was nice... but it made me feel pretty short. I leaned my head against him making me realize I barely reach his shoulder :/. Either way I was happy ><. It was very comforting and was probably the longest hug I've ever had. Then again that isn't saying much. I've only hugged maybe 5 guys before and I've only ever wanted to hug two of them. David not so much but I don't mind. Lance... well it would have been rude to not hug him. And Justin... ugh =.= I hate pe and I really don't like him. So yeah back to the hug. Christian said that it would have been funny if Lance were there to see that and "twin" said we should do that in front of him next time. So then the bell rang and I went to chemistry after getting another high five from "twin". During chemistry I actually got some work done. I completed a worksheet which i almost never do. Usually I just talk to Jessica the whole time. Well... more like she talks to me and I listen. I've probably learned more about movies from Jessica than I have about chemistry in that class... Not that I really mind; As long as I have an A in the class I don't really care if I understand the information too well. So after chemistry I stopped by my locker and went to our tree. I love our tree. We even named it. Sam :). One cloudy day we were sitting under our tree and just staring up at it as red and yellow leaves fell as the wind blew. It was a nice day :). Whenever we laughed, the tree seemed to drop leaves on us. I remember Christian picking up a leaf and saying "Maybe every leaf can represent our happiness and laughter". But then it seems like there is a limit to our happiness just like there's a limited number of leaves on our tree. It would also soon be winter, leaving no more leaves. So what would that symbolize. I think too much :/. But just a couple weeks later, our tree was green again and had completely skipped the winter phase... Is that also symbolism? Anyways, that day we had decided to name the tree ( Alex's idea I believe). We decided on Sam since it could be used for a girl or a boy. I also think we had a discussion as to whether a tree was a boy or a girl... So back to the present. "Twin" wasn't there. I think he had rehearsal or something of that sort. His show thing is tomorrow actually. Monica wants me to go but I don't know... I do want to go... kind of, but still. Monica and Sid were there though. They're never there during nutrition anymore so now I can't eat Monica's food in the morning :(. So lunch went by rather quickly. It was uneventful but nice. They need to make lunch longer. So then I went to history and was expecting to do work or take notes but someone just came in and talked about college. Then we watched 9/11 videos which was rather depressing. I never knew how the building fell... I guess I should have been sad but when you don't see anybody actually get hurt it just doesn't sink in. Then we heard a telephone conversation between someone and someone else in one of the buildings. Once you see their name or hear even one thing they said, you feel a little connected to the person. Then he was cut off as the video showed the building collapse. Just hearing one person's story makes it seem that much more real. I remember this one story..., about a woman who was working on the fiftieth floor and a man who carried her all the way down the flight of stairs to save her. It seems like such a sweet story but I don't really remember where I heard it from. So after watching the depressing videos, I went to art. I forgot my sketchbook again but Ms. Curren was to busy helping other people to notice :). I did one sketch which was actually pretty good but since it wasn't in my sketchbook, it can't be graded. So after school I saw Sid and he came up to me and put his hand near my face and said "I got poison ivy all over my hand... want some?" =.= how did he get poison ivy on his hand? I thought poison ivy was on the east coast. Anyways he left to go wash it off and when he came back he threw something at me which I was oblivious to. I saw it go by I just didn't know he threw it. Then he left to get on the bus and waved good bye. Then hammy walked by and actually said bye to me. This made me really happy ^.^. We haven't talked in about a month... or more than that. I guess we just slowly stopped talking. I thought he didn't want to talk to me and he must have thought that I didn't want to talk to him. So then we just started talking less and less until we didn't talk anymore. I hope this changes :/. I kind of miss talking to him. So after that, I ran into Jessica just as my dad got there with Alice( my toy poodle(no not an actual toy)) in the car. So Jessica got to meet Alice. Alice doesn't take to well to strangers... :/. So then I went home and ate and talked to Monica. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention something! Lance wasn't here today! :D So I didn't have to worry about avoiding him. :) So yeah ... Today was pretty good. :) 

wow it's been a while. I guess a lot happened since i last wrote anything. i guess i just feel like writing.

This morning started out as usual. Basically this means I woke up waaayy too early, 6:00 to be exact; Actually, no... 5:... something, but close to 6 and no, unfortunately it was not pm :( Anyways, for some reason it's been getting rather easy to wake up at such an early hour. I know it may not be early for some people but for me it is. I used to wake up at 7:20 ish and take 30 minutes to get ready, meaning I would leave for school around 7:50... which was when it started... Lets just say I didn't have the best attendance last year... Anyways, the reason for my change in sleep schedule is a mystery but recently I believe it has something to do with "twin". "Twin" is a nickname we gave somebody. You can probably guess what kind of somebody. I don't want to say his name even though I know pretty much no one will read this His name is also pretty generic but... just playing it safe. So "twin" is someone who looks like someone from junior high. See i used to live in Davis, California and about two years ago I moved to Los Angeles. Boo. I still consider davis my home and recently i've been getting waves of nostalgia. I almost cried in english a few days ago... Anyways, the first time I saw "twin" was when fourth and sixth period choir got together for practice after school. I think I saw him before then but this was the first time I can say for sure. He was messing around near the piano with some other guys and every time I looked at him I saw "square's" face. "Square" (sorry for the nicknames) is someone i liked (and still do like) in Davis. Even now I compare anyone with blue eyes or a similar hair style to him but when I saw "twin" that day, it really felt like that had been the last time I had seen him(yes i know the nicknames take away any amount of emotion or deepness this might have had...). After choir practice I had a huge wave of nostalgia that was rather depressing. ...So back to the present!... wait no... there's more back story... so on the first day of school I went to my first class (about thirty minutes late... :/) and the first person i saw was "twin".  I really don't like being near him because it feels like I'm seeing double. Either way I thought it wouldn't matter, I mean, what's the likely hood I would actually get to know him? So later I tried to switch into ap chemistry, which to my delight, was first period, meaning I would have to switch my english class (my class with him). Fate apparently didn't want that to happen so I stayed in the class, and unfortunately, regular chemistry. :/ A couple weeks later, he moved to our side of the room. Not just our side either; He sat practically right next to me. "It was getting boring over there. I'm gonna sit with you guys from now on"(wow i actually kind of remembered what he said.) But, despite the close proximity of our seating, we still didn't talk, but about a month ago, we actually did start talking. Actually, our group talks a lot. We probably are the most talkative group in that class and are constantly being told to shut up by the teacher. And finally for the last back story. About a couple weeks ago, "twin" started talking to me on facebook chat. He said he had a weird dream with me in it. He wouldn't tell me what it was so i asked him to tell me the part that had me in it to which replied saying it was about me. He finally told me what it was... Apparently it was a house party where we were making out in a pool for twenty minutes. gross right? ...I'm still wondering how exactly he knew it was twenty minutes but there are just some questions you just don't ask. Unfortunately, I started liking him a couple weeks before he told me this :/. So the next week, it was a little awkward. We talked a lot though. We also had CST testing, which really messed up the schedule. It was a nice change from the regular two hour classes though. Classes became a friendly 50 minutes. So during english, things were actually pretty normal. Then when leaving the class, Sid(I can say his name... besides, he knows his nickname...)said something about this guy I used to like( don't feel like saying his name but his nickname is "bacon"). So I said "shut up ><" which caused "twin" to start teasing me about him. During lunch that day, "twin" came up and said "I was going to ask you something" to which Sid replied jokingly "to prom?" =.= Then "twin" said "What? dude proms in like, two years! I'll ask her then and she'll probably say no." O.o That was rather unexpected of him to say... (anyways I hope he doesn't ask me to prom. A couple days ago he said he wanted to wear a green tux... i feel bad for the girl that *does* go with him...) Then a little while later he remembered and asked me about the guy Sid had mentioned. Then he said something very strange. He said " I'm ashamed of you! ... Cause he's not white. I'm white. None of you were white until I got here." Does that make sense? Cause it didn't to anyone else. And then the rest of the week went okay I guess. Sometimes he would do strange things like look into my eyes. one time he even asked "So which eye do you look into? The right or the left?" I never thought about that. I always assumed I looked into both... :/. Another time he stroked my hair and put his face very close to mine( these two events happened separately). I remember that day... We had a pillow fight in english and Zack went across the room to sit on a desk which was missing a leg. You can guess what happened. He fell backward knocking the desk over and falling on his butt while we laughed uncontrollably. Fun day :). Anyways, now back to the present! I actually showed up early today... well, early for me; I wasn't late. I ran into Monica who commented on my earlyness. ...She had been in one of my morning classes last year to witness my being tardy practically everyday. The bell was about to ring though so I went with Sid and Elle ( who was pushing Sid by the backpack) to english. Elle mentioned steering him into a pole. It would have been funny if she had. Well for us anyway :P We actually didn't have to start walking to class as early as we did cause our teacher wasn't even there yet, so we talked outside for a while. I talk to pretty much all guys in that class and standing with them is a lot different than sitting. At least when we're sitting they're closer to my height. I told Sid this, and to make me feel "better" he had all of the guys crowd around me to emphasize my shortness. Thankfully our teacher opened the door shortly after(haha 'shortly'). We were given a book and told to read the first couple of chapters so of course this means we were going to talk for about the whole period. I don't remember what we talked about but I'm pretty sure racist and perverted jokes were included in our conversation. The book we were reading was called stolen lives and of course the word "stolen" made the guys think of black people. =.= so yeah... our class consisted of whispering and trying to laugh quietly while our teacher would occasionally to tell us to shut up. Fortunately she wasn't in the room very much. Sid then asked "twin" "do you love Josh?" to which he replied "Yes. I love you Josh". Sid then asked " Do you love Zack?" and he said "Yes I love Zack. I love you Zack". Then Sid asked him "So you love her?" I was expecting him to say the same and even though they were joking I still wanted to hear him say it. then he said " No that's not true" making me feel a little upset. I can't say my heart dropped. That would be exaggerating. Monica said that if he were joking and it were another girl he would have said it. So maybe it means something. Another time when Sid asked who he liked best out of him, Josh, Zack, and me he had said me and "But she doesn't like me". Another time when I was feeling upset and nostalgic, Sid called me emo and then said "twin's" emo too.(Cause he had a big cut on his wrist. I forgot what it was from). Then "twin" said "Yes I am emo. Because she doesn't like me." Then he did the puppy dog face which is soooo adorable><. He even made himself cry. So maybe monica is right and I am a little special. I still think it was a slight rejection though. He might know I like him. I mean, my friends sometimes take me out of the conversation during lunch and ask me if I like him, or they start talking about him and asking "do you like him?" or "would you go out with him?" or "do you think he likes you?", etc. and every time he always seems to come into the conversation to which we all exchange that awkward glance while he's still clueless. Anyways, back to english. Our teacher started a group discussion again. They're interesting conversations but they get rather long and off topic. The guys were joking about how she would say everything symbolized something s*xual which is true(she did this all the time for lord of the flies). To her, everything longer than it is wide is uh... you can guess. So i started to fall asleep a little and when I woke up we were talking about marriage and how you should be able to marry anyone no matter your belief system. So I turned to Sid and asked how this had anything to do with the book. "Because the book is about being trapped in a desert". Ah. that explains it :p. She always gets off topic... she's crazy. She's a good teacher but she can talk a little too much. Then she started going on  about the symbolism of a christmas tree. She started going on about how it was the only fertile thing in winter and how people would decorate it to encourage uh "reproduction" for spring. =.= the guys were right... So that was english. After that "twin" and I walked to our spot by the tree for nutrition. He started humming this song I learned in chorus last year which got really annoying. Then david came over and we gave him a drink that Zack had rejected and given us during first period. We decided to save it for david considering it was a grape drink and david was black. yes i know, we're racist :P. He didn't want it though. It was organic and therefore too healthy. He said it had to be deep fried at least once before he would drink it. Then for some reason I decided to sit with the girls of our group. We called Sofia over who was talking to Stephen. We asked how her weekend was and she proceeded to tell us how it was amazing because of this party she went to. She told us how she made out with this guy and got felt up. And she said he was in 8th grade O.o. We're all in 10th grade... I really didn't expect her to be that type of person... I felt really bad for stephen. She is one of the two people he likes. He also likes someone else named Alice but I didn't know her so I preferred him with Sofia (kinda). He's been starting to lean more towards sofia but now I think I would rather him be with Alice. Then third period started and I was in spanish. ...Nothing much to say. It's a pretty uneventful class. I did my homework last minute and studied for a test that we postponed until next class; Oh well at least I'm prepared. We also got our tests back. 92% on one and 6/8 on the other :/. i could have done better but I'm not good at numbers which was what the test was on. I can do one to ten but thats about it. oh well, I still have 98.2% in that class. Maybe 98.3%. I can't remember too well. Then the guy in front of me started being annoying causing ms vincent to get mad and make our whole side of the class stay during lunch. It worked out though. I knew it would. Ms. VIncent never remembers to keep us after class so we wound up just staying five minutes after the bell. Then it was time for lunch ^.^. Lunch was a little uneventful but it was fun. I talked to "twin" a lot. During one part of it he pointed out the girl david liked. He was like " I spy with my little eye..." to which Sid cut off with" hey you're not asian" So he adjusted that and said " I spy with my big blue eye..." and david said "Hey! you're not german either!" So "twin" started marching nazi style. ...you could say our group is racist... :P We sat down for the rest of lunch, talking and arguing with alex(who is a girl). David and "twin" don't really get along well with alex... they're joking but still... During the time we were sitting, "twin" was kind of facing me and the area where is heart is was pointed at me. According to an online quiz, this means that the person takes interest in you, but then again, how much can you trust an online quiz? Lunch ended too soon. Everyone left to go to class and then Lance came up... oh dear. Sorry one more back story. Last week on monday he asked me out. He's liked me since last year and hasn't taken my "subtle" hints that I don't like him back. So when he asked me out I replied with "I'm really sorry" and "I can't..." I thought I actually handled that better than I thought I would. Unfortunately that answer didn't work. He asked me "why?" What do you mean "why?" Cause I don't like you! grrrr ><. But I just said "sorry" again. Then he said "Oh... it's ok. Nothing personal." ...Um, shouldn't I be the one to say that... O.o Oh well. Then he said "Maybe senior year". Wow he doesn't give up. I kind of have to admire him though. He had the guts to actually try. But the admiration is fading. The next day he came up to me during lunch. I found him annoying a long time ago but now it's gotten worse... He kept asking for my food and wouldn't take no for an answer. I had brownies that day and Monica had made them for me since I was feeling sad on friday (it had been "square's" birthday on thursday and I was feeling rather nostalgic). I told him this and he still didn't take that answer =.=. I didn't give him any though. I also ran into him after school. He again asked why I said no. I told him I like someone else and he said "Ok well maybe we can hook up next time". Hook up?!? next time?!? Does he even know what hook up means?? =.= ugh. He also posted on his facebook status that he got rejected. Who would post that!?!? And then he commented saying "She said she liked someone else but I don't believe her" =.= Oh dear... T.T So after that the guys basically became like my body guards and walked me to classes. "Twin" also hugged me in english after I told him what happened and said he would talk to him if he came over again. Sid said that "twin" said that he would protect me. I didn't hear the word protect but that makes me happy ^.^. Then on friday Alex said that Lance had put a note in my bag when I wasn't looking. I didn't want to read the note so the guys read it for me. It said something like "my undying love for you" and "you are the cheese to my macaroni" and other weird stuff. The guys were getting so p*ssed at Lance but then Alex said that she wrote it just as a joke. David got really mad at her :/. I was a little confused as to why she did that. I felt a little upset but I'm not mad at her. She didn't have any bad intentions  so there's no real harm done. "Twin" said that he yelled at her for me. I'm happy he would do that for me but I hope he didn't say anything to harsh to her... He said he didn't so I thanked him to which he replied "yup :D". Things aren't weird with alex though. She, Monica, and I hung out on sunday. It was fun and I think I might write about that in another post. So yeah... Lance started talking to me but he left quickly which was unexpectedly nice. So Alex and I were walking to class when this "BOOM" noise went off. We were like O.O. I guess it was a firecracker or something. It sounded kind of like a gun shot but I saw green sparky things fly up. Our school is strange. On somedays we have days where they blast hip hop music. Another day they got someone with an actual album to play at our school. They even turned our school into a mini golf course a couple weeks ago. This one time when they started playing hip hop music, the african american population at our school(who for some reason always eat by the gym... seriously like almost all of them) all came from their area in this march of people and proceeded to the stage where they had a dance circle. ...It was interesting... and slightly hilarious. Anyways I went to pe, which is my least favorite class. It's not that I don't like exercise. Actually, we don't exercise in that class. We sit and do nothing. Literally. Mary wasn't there and Christian and Justin always play basketball with other guys and guys' games can get pretty intense so I prefer to stay out. So I was alone. I didn't mind too much though. Honestly that class has a terrible aura that can sometimes be suffocating if you want to exaggerate it. It feels like being in a room with sick people while wearing a mask so you don't also get sick. Again I think that's also a hyperbole but still... So when we were meeting at the blacktop after dressing, my teacher asked me if I wanted to go and open the gate with these two other people. (We need someone to open the gate at the top of these flight of stairs to be able to do the school run.) I guess I looked lonely and sad or something and maybe it helps that I look like one of the most innocent and little kid like people in the class and maybe that's why I was chosen. I'm glad I was though. I didn't feel like doing anything and if I could get away from the majority of the class then thats good. The people I was with didn't have inappropriate conversations and were pretty nice so it wasn't that bad. Then the class doing the run came by and of course everyone was walking. Justin(different Justin then the one i talked about before) came up and talked to us and said that all they had to do was beat the teacher who was starting late. When she finally came by she was walking =.=.  So then we closed the gate (or other people closed it) and we walked down and met up with the class. We were supposed to play softball but of course my class didn't get up off the grass so our teacher gave up. I felt really bad for her. She was sitting on the other side of the baseball field alone but at least some people went to go talk to her. Christian went to play basketball, so I was alone. It was better than talking to people though. Wow I sound antisocial. There's this other guy that also never talks to anyone. I wonder if he doesn't like anybody in our class and finds us all annoying. I kinda hope he doesn't find me annoying cause sometimes I feel like talking to him to see if I can relate to him and find someone a little similar. Maybe we could talk about how much we don't like pe. I don't know but I feel like I shouldn't bother him. So I spent the rest of class sitting on the grass. ...that rhymes :P and then I saw this spider. I was thinking about stepping on it so it wouldn't come any closer but spiders are also living things and have a life they want to hold on to. Besides, I'm not that afraid of spiders anymore. At least not the little ones. Davis had a lot of spiders so I kind of got used to them. I would still freak out if there was a huge spider on me but still... Anyways I decided to let the spider go... until it jumped... so I spent I don't know how long watching the spider to make sure it didn't come near me. It was about to get near me again but I sent out mental warnings and moved my foot closer to it and it seemed to get the message ^.^. So pe wasn't so bad that day. It's usually feels like a stuffy class room you just need to get out of. This time though, it feels like I got the seat next to the open window. Probably cause I  didn't talk to anybody and tried to sit in my own little world and block everyone else out and focus on nature. Then it was time to go to the locker rooms. Usually this makes me happy but this time not so much because even though it's an exit, it feels like going back across that stuffy room to get to the door. But finally the bell rang and I made it out the "door of the stuffy class room" and was on my way to art which would hopefully overwrite the bad feelings from pe. So I kind of did nothing in art and then went home. I made myself food and went to the computer and now I'm waiting for monica to get back from dinner, "twin" to get online and possibly talk to me cause I don't think I can talk to him, for someone else to get online, for my new phone to get here ^.^, and for something interesting to pop up on facebook. I think I might also call Anushriya. ... I should be studying for math. I have a unit test tomorrow. So I guess I'll post tomorrow... or whenever I feel like it. That could be a while. Or it could not... I don't know.